I’m a pretty laid back person – I recently wrote about being an under-reactor – so it takes a lot to really get me cranked.
First, let me explain the term. “Cranked” means becoming enraged/uber-annoyed – you know, the kind of behavior that makes dogs cower under tables and my kids suddenly yearn for the peace and quiet of their messy rooms. “Cranked” should not be confused with “cranky,” which is trivial by comparison.
There are a lot of things that depress me – the seemingly endless war in Afghanistan, the child obesity epidemic, the fact that my fave movie star Robert Redford’s face now looks like a wrinkled paper bag — but it’s the little things that make me crazy, er – cranked.
Here’s my personal “cranked” list:
• Empty dog bowls littering the yard, until somebody (me) retrieves them for the next feeding.
• Big gobs of toothpaste that have dried cement-like in the sink.
• The coffee mug my husband drinks from at 8 a.m. and which is in the same spot at 11 at night. Like the pyramids, the sun in the sky, and Lindsay Lohan’s drug habit, the coffee cup will always be with us. Always.
• Peanut butter on my fingers.
• Wet bathroom rugs – and stepping on said rugs while wearing socks.
• Plot-busting blabber-mouths who can’t shut up during a movie (case in point: during The Godfather, the idiot who loudly said, “Oh, oh. I wouldn’t get in that car…”)
• Same people who repeat lines of dialogue out loud.
• Loud TVs, at nursing home decibels, so I hear dialogue, music AND heartbeats and stomach gurgles.
• Stepping in dog poop while wearing sneakers. Do you wait until it dries to chip it off? Do you run the sneaker under a hot faucet and then get bits of dog sh*t in your sink? Do you just throw out the sneakers?
• Candy wrappers under couch cushions.
• Salmon for dinner . . . with a side of Brussel sprouts . . . and nothing for dessert.
• Car turn signals accidentally left on – and people who don’t use turn signals at all.
• Spiders big enough to have hair — and dogs that don’t.
• Drunk women in bars — especially when it’s me.
And finally, the biggest ‘get cranked’ offender of all: lists. Can’t stand ‘em. Want to know why? Here’s a list . . .