This year, my list is made up of never-fail resolutions I am sure to keep. These are things I’ve always wanted to do, and never have, so here goes nothing – and I mean that sincerely:
I hereby resolve to . . .
- Eat the last bite/slice/plate of whatever I find in the fridge, before someone else does.
- Call my mother only after she calls me to complain I never call her.
- Wear warm flannel granny pajamas to bed, no matter how unattractive, since I’ll get hit on anyway.
- Wait until spring to shave my legs and summer to shave my underarms.
- Never read the nutritional information on a candy wrapper.
- Watch my weight – just watch it, no matter where it’s headed.
- Prop a new roll of toilet paper on the empty toilet roll dispenser and let someone else figure it out.
- Bring nothing to a potluck or BYOB.
- Forget my own birthday — and birth date.
- Stop at every yard sale, garage sale, and moving sale — and buy things I don’t really need.
- Have seconds – and thirds occasionally.
- Not share my popcorn with anyone at the movies.
- Let someone else volunteer for a change to kill the spider/bug/insert-varmint-name-here.
That ought to do it. A New Year’s resolution list tailor-made for success. Will the guilt kill me by March? It’s possible – but I’m willing to take the risk. Think how much I’ll save on shaving cream alone…